Several Probably Killed In Shooting, Lazy Police Report Confirms
[info]theonionfeed
AKRON, MI—According to a hastily written police report, anywhere from several to half a dozen people were killed at some point Monday in...



Would-Be Bomber's Visa Revoked
[info]theonionfeed
The State Department announced Tuesday that it has revoked the visa of Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the man who tried to blow up a...



Clint Eastwood Continues Desperate, 40-Year Attempt To Win Over Unimpressed Man
[info]theonionfeed
LOS ANGELES—Five-time Academy Award winner and Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood attended a press junket Tuesday to promote his new film Invictus, the latest project in the director's long line of failed attempts to impress Wheeling, WV resident Daryl Lorrimer.



Everybody's a Hipster to Somebody
[info]weaklingrecords
I started this mix about 6 months ago now, and then it kept getting pushed aside with other things and such. So I revisited it recently and threw a few other songs onto it just to fill it out a bit. I promise that none of these selections are even the slightest bit ironic.

Everybody's a Hipster to Somebody
  1. It Doesn't Have to Be Beautiful, Unless It's Beatiful - Slow Club *
  2. Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship
  3. Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye
  4. Grounds for Divorce - Elbow
  5. Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
  6. Kids - MGMT
  7. Paris is Burning - St. Vincent
  8. Sepian Bounce - Charlie Parker
  9. You Go On Ahead (Trumpet Trumpet II) - Sunset Rubdown
  10. Farewell to the Fairground - White Lies
  11. Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear
  12. The Kissaway - Mates of State
  13. The Cold, The Dark & The Silence - Sea Wolf
  14. Let the Moon Get Into It - Mike Doughty
  15. Wrecking Ball - Gillian Welch
  16. The Backseat - The Gaslight Anthem
  17. One Day Like This - Elbow **

* Possibly my favorite song of 2009, introduced to me by [info]misunderstruck
** I usually try to avoid cramming two or more songs by the same artist onto a mix, but I couldn't decide between these two and I have alternately removed one or the other, only to put both back on, cd mix etiquette be damned.

Oh, you want some videos? Hellz yeah you do! )

oh my god
[info]alexlady
i'm THIRTY ONE!

how did this happen?

oh yeah, i've managed not to die. ok then, i guess it's all right. :)

Happy Fun Ball: Taunted
[info]weaklingrecords
Bring your weak-ass sh*t again, meat!
...WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM NOON THURSDAY
TO 4 AM EST FRIDAY...

HAZARDOUS WEATHER...

* SNOW WILL DEVELOP AROUND NOON THURSDAY AND CONTINUE THROUGH
MUCH OF THURSDAY NIGHT.

* SNOW RATES OF A HALF INCH TO AN INCH PER HOUR MAY OCCUR AT
TIMES.

* STORM TOTALS OF 4 TO 6 INCHES WITH LOCALLY HIGHER AMOUNTS
ARE POSSIBLE.
I'm not even sure we would consider this a serious snow event here in MI, other than driving in it will be more hazardous than usual. My only real concern is that Drew's school might be closed on Friday...more time for us to go sledding, I guess!
Tags: ,

How Did We Embarrass Ourselves At The Office Party?
[info]theonionfeed

In Focus: Man Braves Freezing Weather To Cross Parking Lot
[info]theonionfeed
LANCASTER, PA—With night coming and temperatures dropping, Louis Bergstrom was forced to leave his wife at the supermarket entrance and set out alone for the car.

Hangover Cures
[info]theonionfeed
The holidays are a traditional time for overindulgence in alcohol. Here are some of the more common hangover cures:Take...

Attractive Woman, Wealthy Man Somehow Making It Work
[info]theonionfeed
GREENWICH, CT—Despite their disparate backgrounds, lack of mutual interests, and seemingly insurmountable gap in age, former Miss Kentucky...

Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women, Book Says
[info]theonionfeed
According to a biography by Peter Biskind, actor Warren Beatty has had sex with approximately 12,775 women in the past 52 years. What do you...

Rob Sheridan posts about AVOTT: The Gift on nin.com
[info]theninhotline
Rob Sheridan posted an update to nin.com today regarding the release of TOIOU's AVOTT: The Gift. From nin.com - "Our 2008 Lights In The Sky tour was an ambitious multimedia production on a scale well beyond anything we'd ever attempted before. Everyone involved was extremely proud of how it came together, and we were devastated when, for a variety of reasons, we were unable to capture it professio [cont...]



[audio] Area Bass Player Fellated
[info]theonionfeed
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

Nation's Nipples Severely Under-Clamped, U.S. Bureau Of Masochism Reports
[info]theonionfeed
WASHINGTON—"The vast majority of U.S. citizens are simply not receiving the physical punishment they deserve," said Masochism Bureau chief Geoff Knowlton, who was permitted by his mistress Alexandria to meet with reporters despite being unfit for anything besides groveling at her boot heels.

Posted using TxtLJ
[info]darksheik
There's a church ringing bells downtown, and I could swear it was playing "Disarm".

In Focus: New Mobile-Device Purchase Makes Asshole More Versatile
[info]theonionfeed
NEW YORK—The new BlackBerry 8703c has allowed total shithead Robert McClain to assign more work to his assistants while he is gambling in Atlantic City.

Virgin Mary Night-Light Stares Accusingly As Christian Teen Masturbates
[info]theonionfeed
News In Photos

Slideshow: Health Wellness
[info]theonionfeed
Slideshow

Opinion: I Have Finally Achieved The Status Of Gamma Male (by Terry Steuben)
[info]theonionfeed
Listen up, world. It's been a long, hard road, but here I am, at the top of the heap. Well, not the top, exactly, but pretty darn close....

Man Unable To Wear Nice Clothes Without Everyone Asking Questions
[info]theonionfeed
MENASHA, WI—Expressing his growing frustration, IT support technician Chris Brennan, 28, told reporters Monday that he is incapable of...